heartache comes cheaply

dylan lost his wallet today.  or perhaps it was yesterday.  regardless, we found out that he'd lost it today, so we mark the date as such.  he's currently sitting on the couch, drowning his sorrows in spongebob.  he told me that he "doesn't feel like talking right now because i'm sad.  maybe i'll feel better tomorrow and i'll talk then." 

this broke my heart just a little and i wanted so much to tell him that it was gonna be okay and that i'd replace his wallet and the money in it, but the teacher/lesson giver/miser in me rebelled against being his enabler and i stood firm.  i shook my head, said i was sorry, and left it at that.  i wonder if i did the right thing.

i don't want to fall into the habit of bailing my kids out.  i want them to learn - even if the hard way - that life isn't fair or easy, and that things won't be handed to them all the time.  but it's still tough for me to watch his sad, little face out of the corner of my eye. 

that's the mom in me, i guess.

sadly, i'm not just a mom.  i'm also a soriente.  and that means that i'm just as mad as i am sad.  i'm mad at dylan for being careless and irresponsible.  i'm furious at him for losing seven whole dollars.  i know, right?  seven bucks.  give the kid a break.  but seven dollars was half of the build-a-bear toy we were gonna buy tomorrow for our last "adventure thursday".  or it could've been seven toys from the dollar bin at target that i didn't need to buy the next time we went.  or it could've been candy or vending machine treats or slurpees or any of the other myriad things that tend to add up when i go out with the kids and which i've started making them pay me back for when i buy them. (that was a poorly-constructed sentence but i'm writing this on the sly - dylan keeps passing by now and looking over my shoulder - so forgive the lapse).

so, yeah.  i'm conflicted as hell and i feel like a terrible person.  but this, too, shall pass.  i know this.  and hopefully dylan'll learn to pay more attention and be more careful in the future.  and hopefully i'll be able to reassure myself that seven dollars now is a helluva lot cheaper than hundreds in the future.